Each step takes me closer to the dream. Precisely at the
moment I stand on the brink of caving to my fears, another stone arises and I
see the next step. Excitement propels me forward. So, I leap.
I land. I enjoy the moment, and then the doubts seep into my psyche
like water slowly flooding a wooded trail. I am forced once again to
compare these raging doubts against the rock of reality. Slowly, my
confidence returns for a moment. I'm always up for an adventure, but this is real life!
The past month my nails have been nibbled away as I have attempted to patiently await my test scores. I began to check the site at the two week mark, which was the earliest they could have appeared. Hope drove me to check daily, but the constant disappointment of no posting eroded my confidence. Finally, a month later the email appeared in my inbox announcing that the scores had arrived! Excitement caused my heart to race, then fear increased the pace another notch. The "what ifs" came like a deluge, and I considered walking away until later. It was only a momentary thought, and I quickly sought out a semi-private computer to take the plunge. (Technically, I was at work and not supposed to be checking personal things, but I HAD TO KNOW! Sorry about that, David.)
I experienced one of those proverbial moments when time stands still. Seconds feel like hours. The computer switching from page to page happened more slowly than it had ever happened before. Then, the PDF file appeared, and I was assaulted by a list of numbers. I investigated and digested the information before me, struggling to get my mind to engage and cooperate. I caught my breath. Could it be true? I looked again. If I were in a film, this would be the moment the "Hallelujah Chorus" would have been cued. I not only passed the test, but excelled! Insert exhale here. I spent the rest of the day with my feet barely touching the floor. I pinched myself just to be sure this was indeed reality.
Now, the victory has sunk in, and I have proceeded to the next step, putting it all into practice. In only 3 weeks my classes will be completed, and I'll be released into the world of education. Now, I have to find a teaching position. Insert freak out here. This appears to be the biggest leap to date. However, I confidently say that the Lord has led me each and every step of this journey. I'm astounded to see how the past 6 months have fallen into place. So, I'll keep stepping one stone at a time.
The past month my nails have been nibbled away as I have attempted to patiently await my test scores. I began to check the site at the two week mark, which was the earliest they could have appeared. Hope drove me to check daily, but the constant disappointment of no posting eroded my confidence. Finally, a month later the email appeared in my inbox announcing that the scores had arrived! Excitement caused my heart to race, then fear increased the pace another notch. The "what ifs" came like a deluge, and I considered walking away until later. It was only a momentary thought, and I quickly sought out a semi-private computer to take the plunge. (Technically, I was at work and not supposed to be checking personal things, but I HAD TO KNOW! Sorry about that, David.)
I experienced one of those proverbial moments when time stands still. Seconds feel like hours. The computer switching from page to page happened more slowly than it had ever happened before. Then, the PDF file appeared, and I was assaulted by a list of numbers. I investigated and digested the information before me, struggling to get my mind to engage and cooperate. I caught my breath. Could it be true? I looked again. If I were in a film, this would be the moment the "Hallelujah Chorus" would have been cued. I not only passed the test, but excelled! Insert exhale here. I spent the rest of the day with my feet barely touching the floor. I pinched myself just to be sure this was indeed reality.
Now, the victory has sunk in, and I have proceeded to the next step, putting it all into practice. In only 3 weeks my classes will be completed, and I'll be released into the world of education. Now, I have to find a teaching position. Insert freak out here. This appears to be the biggest leap to date. However, I confidently say that the Lord has led me each and every step of this journey. I'm astounded to see how the past 6 months have fallen into place. So, I'll keep stepping one stone at a time.
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