A Farewell Address

This is my farewell address to my 20's:

I posted on Facebook earlier today, "So this is what the last day in my 20's feels like."  A friend responded, "Doesn't it feel like the day before 20?"  What a great question!  Naturally, it prompted me to think and compare the two.

I recall such anticipation in turning 20.  Changing decades meant I wasn't a teen anymore, and that I had somehow survived something.  This survival also qualified me with a certain amount of experience, meaning that I was finally an adult!  My life was about to change drastically only 6 weeks later, and in many ways it was about to truly begin. 

I found myself in my 20's.  At last I began the journey of discovery.  Training in missionary outreach, traveling to India, studying in Europe, working in the ministry, earning a college education, enduring 9/11, moving to the big city all by myself, maintaining my singularity, and truly beginning to understand the value of relationships are all some of the most valuable milestones of my 20's.  Some claim that their teens were the time of my life.  Frankly, you could not pay me to return to my teens!  It will take me another few decades to conclusively decide, but I suspect that my 20's will always be the proverbial time of my life.  So, my 20's, I thank you for some of the best, and some of the most difficult, times of my life. 

Do I feel 30?  I am still not sure exactly how it is supposed to feel.  I do feel that you, my 20's, have prepared me for what the future holds.  I am not scared of entering the next decade, and it is only because you have so appropriately prepared me over the past 10 years.  Thank you for the amazing people you brought into my life to assist in my metamorphosis.  Thank you for a decade of growth and discovery.  Thank you for 10 years of "becoming".  I will spend a lifetime reflecting on your influence in my muchness.

Naming the Enemy

30.  It is a big number.  It is one that I have almost achieved.  It is one that seems oddly humorous to me.  So many dread this number, but from my fishbowl it is nothing to cause extra bubbles.  In fact, it is something that I want to face with the determined set of my head, and scrutiny that I use when new things arise.  New things mean change.

Ah, change.  My nemesis.  Change, the thing I fought with all of my being for more years than I willingly admit.  It was the thing that would waltz into a situation glaring at me with that evil glint in its eye, its head lifted in victory knowing that its mere presence sent me into a virtual panic!  Most situations I could handle in stride, but change always seemed to ruin my world. 

You see, I thrive on lists, order, and all things planned.  The Container Store is one of my very most favorite places to go to unwind and destress because everything fits into a box there.  Even if more items are added to life, there will be some type of storage found to create a place in the norm, whatever the norm is after all.  So now, Change may invade situations in my life, but in the past year I have discovered that I am not as petrified of it as I once was.  Every single thing that defined my life changed in a two week period primarily by my own choice, and I muddled through with minimal breakdowns. 

I have discovered that my life is not like a box of chocolates, but like the Container Store.  Things will change, but if I walk around long enough I will eventually find the box, canister, folder, file, or cubby for the new thing in my life.  While I still do not have a grand fondness for change, when it infiltrates my life, I now can lift my head just a little, glaring back at it with a bit of determination knowing that I may not like what it has to offer, but that I will stand on the power of knowing that there is a container for this little present that change has left me. 

A Dirty Trick

One question is avoided, ignored, and disregarded by any and all means necessary, "What if..."  We're programed that way, or at least we're encouraged by society to think this way.  Live with no regrets!  Don't question yourself!  This is part of the legacy of the 60's and 70's still infiltrating modern thinking, is it not? 
In the last few months I have had more time for watching TV and movies than in the previous 7 years combined!  I wake up.  I go to work.  I return home.  After enjoying some silence, on goes the Tele.  A few shows I had heard of, but had never seen, have now become those I seek out in the guide list.  I have questioned for some time why television is so popular in our daily lives, and I propose that I have finally discovered at least an aspect of the answer!

The reason we enjoy television, and stories in general, is because the question we've been taught to avoid is answered.  The "what if" question is addressed in one way or another in every movie, TV series, book, and commercial.  How, you ask?  It's quite simple.  Follow my thought process for a moment, and I'll provide a few examples.

Picture it!  Ladies in their golden years all live in the same city, but because of budget constraints of being either widowed or divorced, they all share a home.  What if these same ladies, who are all mothers and grandmothers, break the status quo for ladies of a certain age, and they really DO have a life consisting of something other than knitting, sitting demurely dreaming of their yesteryears, and steadily growing wiser?  What if they did funny things, stayed up all night talking, had money issues, and (GASP) dated?  EEK!  What if someone wrote this story?  What would it be?  How would it look?  Would anyone even care enough to pay attention? 

My friends, it would be one of the most popular shows to ever air on TV from 1985-1992 known as The Golden Girls.  Those four funny ladies showed that you can ask, and answer that plaguing what if question.  Within each episode another what if question is asked and answered.  Herein lies the basis of the entire dirty trick!  They tell you not to ask the question, but then spend billions of dollars repeatedly throwing it in your face!

Since receiving this revelation of sorts, I've looked a bit differently at sitcoms, dramas, and the like.  We love them because they dare to ask and address the dreams we avoid contemplating.  What if I were a doctor?  Watch Grey's Anatomy, ER, House.  What if I could travel around the world?  Watch the travel channel.  What if I lived in the pioneer West?  I won't even begin to address this potential list!  Do you see my point yet?  We're led to subconsciously ask ourselves a version of the what if question, and given the opportunity to dream for a minute.  You slip from your world into the what if world.

Now as I watch TV, I can't help asking myself, "What is the what if question?"  I've discovered that there are layers of this question asked and answered. 

Next time you watch something, look for the what if question that is asked and answered.  I dare you. 

Now, time for a special request.  I know some of you will read this, and not want to post comments.  I'm going to ask that you indulge me and do so just this once.  This is a bit of an experiment for me.  I want to know how this question effected how you "saw" the show, movie, commercial, or whatever it is that you're watching.  Just let me know.  What if you did?

From a fishbowl?

Yes, from a fishbowl.  For years I complained about living in a fishbowl, on display for everyone to see.  Is this selfish?  Possibly, but for as long as I can remember my father drilled into my head that my life is an example.  When correcting me as a child he would remind me that I had a baby sister watching and mimicking my every move and that I had to be a good example for her.  This well-intentioned parenting approach engrained in me that I am constantly an example to someone, and therefore in a fishbowl on display being observed by someone. 

Now, please do not confuse this statement with a complaint, for it is not.  Deliberation, contemplation, and intentionality all combine to serve as the additives for the fuel driving my life.  (Ok, I may have creatively made-up some words, but did not take the time to verify them.)  This "life from a fishbowl" prepared me to live life on purpose.  Live it too seriously?  Perhaps, at times.  Overall I feel that whatever I'm doing, whether enjoying an activity, working, writing, or procrastinating, is driven by a thought process concluded by a decision.  After all, I never know who may be watching, right?

The reverse side to the title of this blog refers to the glass pane from which I view and analyze the world around me as I swim round and round in my little bowl.  So, be forewarned!  At times you'll hear about life from within the bowl and what I think about life outside.

Some of you have requested many times that I start a blog.  I've fought joining this cyber-bandwagon as I fail to see any original thoughts I obtain which need to be shared.  I shared this with one of my friends who I've known most of my life when she encouraged me yet again to begin a blog.  I recall asking, "What do I need a blog for?  I don't have kids or anything important to keep up with in my life."  The answer seemed obvious to her as she very pointedly said, "Because, Hannah, you have things to say." 

Do I really?  I'm still not convinced, but I made a promise that I would begin a blog.  So, here we go.  I'm on the cyber-bandwagon.  This is my blog.