This evening I have spent more time in front of a computer than I have in weeks. The only thing that I can attest to as an accomplishment is posting 35 photos to Facebook. The remainder of the time wasted away as I mulled over how to release from my mind and spirit what is rolling around. It should not be that challenging, right? The past few weeks have held life-altering changes. Surely, there must be something to say about all of that. So much tumbles in my mind, that I occasionally experience a challenge in expressing my thoughts. This is precisely where I found myself tonight. There I was, seated before the computer, time to say whatever it is that I chose, yet unable to articulate it satisfactorily. Frustration and eventually defeat best described my emotions as I rose from the desk chair headed for my room.
Then something quite simple and profound took place. I left the computer and went down the dark hallway to my room. Upon arriving to my bedroom's door, I groped for the light switch. Instantly the lights turned on both physically and metaphorically!
As many of you know, change is a bad word in my world. I thrive on lists, order, and all things planned. Deciding in less than a month to change my world for the second time in less than 2 years was something vastly removed from my definition of ordinary. But, I did it and I can't say that I regret the move. This is one of those few times in life when I know I have made the correct decision. Nope, there are no doubts.
I adapt well, but adjust slowly. This new life seems so familiar to me in ways that are perplexing. Most of my mornings begin with two bony little-boy arms wrapped around my neck while we watch an episode of Sponge Bob before we rise to prepare for school. My job, though the same title is at a different location, feels comfortable. Being a daily part of my sister's family feels remarkably normal. How is it possible that I can feel so at rest when this has been my normal for only two and a half weeks? My analytical brain struggles to comprehend the peace my spirit seems to have discovered. So, I choose take a deep breath and enjoy it for once in my life. I rest in the confidence that the answers will come.
I'm still distinctly in the process of forming my new life, but I'm moving forward with sure footing. My eye remains ever focused on my long-term goal. This time is a season for me. I'll head to bed content knowing that while I'm still "finding the lights" in my new life, it all seems to be working out.
