Well, that is a cliff I just leaped from, my friends. Yep, a secure, solid, comfortable, predictable piece of ground that I just exchanged for unpredictability, the unknown, and the future. It was an unnoticed step for man, but a giant step for Hannah-kind!
While change has always been a bad word in my world, it seems to have become my constant over the past 6 months. The only thing consistent is that everything is changing in my life. For what I recall to be the first time in my life I'm floating down this river of change rather than exhausting myself fighting against it. Could this be evidence of change, growth, maturity? I hope so. Sure, I still thrive on lists, order, and all things planned, but I have discovered an indescribable peace, internal chill, zen thing going on. Honestly, it's perplexing and I often wonder if this is some sort of out of body experience.
Tonight I colored outside of my cherished lines and boxes again. Actually, I'm coloring outside of them in two ways. First, I applied for acceptance in a teaching certification program to begin in January. (POTENTIALLY LIFE ALTERING CHANGE!) Second, I'm acknowledging that I've attempted something before knowing that I've succeeded. Shocking! I constantly remain aware of the proverbial foxes running to the edge of my conscious mind in attempt to instigate the usual gnawing fears. However, I'm doing my best to silence the fears typically accompanying the "What ifs" and unknowns in my world. I'm reminding myself that I can only do this one step at a time. I'll make my lists for the things that I can, and do my best not to fret over the things that I can't control anyway.
This is my update. These are my big steps for now. This is the latest update in my becoming...me.
Am I flyer or a faller? I guess we'll see.
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